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SUE
Received February 24, 2005
Updated 2/28/2005
Hi there! I have been looking for some support for awhile-to liase with other partners of TG people.
My fiance is a F/T TV <100%physically male>; We met 9 months ago-he had been living full-time as a woman for 15 years but whilst in the house I felt that we reacted to each other as a 'normal' couple--he chatted about his motorbike racing days and driving enormous trucks--we seldom went out and when we did I did not like his persona as a weak woman <I have a strong assertive personality> and if anything felt protective towards him.
He has suffered from severe anxiety attacks for many years and was recovering from his third nervous breakdown.
He found it very difficult spending long periods of time on his own whilst I was at work <I was a BUPA nursing sister> and on returning home one evening found him gone! My mother had 'had a go' at him over the telephone the previous weekend-he had several panic attacks and fled back to his marital home! He had left his violent wife for me and did not want to rekindle things with her-just used the place as a bolthole.
I could not concentrate on my work and,consequently was dismissed!
He came back 2 weeks later but has now gone AWOL again! Since that time <last Summer> and January this year he tried to live as a 'proper' man again-for my sake but this caused his alcohol consumption to increase <he had been drinking for 4/5 years> and for him to become impotent. He went through detox--life was not easy for both of us but we were very much in love.
Christmas loomed--my parents had invited us up to their place:
I was looking forward to a much needed break-I had become his full-time career and never felt off-duty. Although my mother had met Kim before, she took an instant dislike to him-he was still in male role but she found him unmanly, pathetic with no conversation. I think he was terrified of her. They repeatedly told him that they did not want him as a son-in-law. We left more stressed than when we had arrived!
I was devastated by it all and unfairly took it out on Kim. We spend a week in a hotel to try and relax <we also visited my aunt-they got on well together but she said that
he looked like a man who needed help> but afew days after our return home we had a silly argument over what we were going to have for supper and he walked out! We met up 3 times and had a couple of long
'counselling' sessions by telephone-in the penultimate one he apologised for this 'ridiculous' situation, said he 'loved the bones of me' and appreciated me being in 'his corner'.
3 weeks ago I received a letter from him saying that now that he had spent time on his own he felt that he could no longer live as a man and was returning 'to the only life that he
knew'. I had voiced my feelings about TG issues stridently in the past and he assumed that I could not tolerate him being like that in a million years.
On reflection, I now realise that both Kim's male and female sides need to be acknowledged & respected for him to cope and enjoy life.
I am trying to re-establish two-way contact between us. I can accept him living as a F/T TV-it is the person inside that is important not their public persona. I would be happy to go along with him to TG events if that is what he wants to do. I am acutely aware that my parents will disown/disinherit me but I still want to marry the 'guy' and have a family with him <a F/T TV Dad!>. Life without him is unbearable-I miss him like crazy-and will not rest until we are back together! But-I need support from other women with a TG partner so please feel free to e-mail me: ClanCampbell1968@aol.com.
Thank-you for caring.
Best wishes,
Sue
UPDATE Feb 28 2005
I thought that I should bring you upto date - To my great relief, Kim & I are back together! I 'bit the bullet' last Friday and went over to visit him. I thought
that I would find him in a total mess, dressed in, literally a scrap of skirt...but no: he is still living fully as a man and, although a CPN has diagnosed him as
suffering from paranoia <which would explain a lot!> he wants to put the past behind us and start again. He is due to move into a bedsit this week and has
invited me to spend as much time there as I would like to.
During the last 7 weeks he has been hit by a car <broken nose> and collapsed in a supermarket with cardiac problems! He is still very confused re: the
gender issues--he feels that he is not TS but is aware that he does not have the same feelings as your typical TV. He regards female clothes as simply the
uniform of that gender but knows he has both a male and female side, but haven't we all?! As he spent the first 26 years of his life without any visible
genitals I am not surprised that he feels androgynous! He may become P/T TV he said but certainly not to live back full-time as a woman--hurrah! He is
unfortunately still drinking but maybe now that he will be in a stable relationship he will feel able to eventually refrain.
Conversely,my mental well-being has taken a real hammering these last few months and I do not feel stable enough to return to work as a nurse at the
moment <I would be putting my patients' lives and my registration at risk>; I need a counsellor to off-load all this to.
I am well aware that Kim & I still have difficult times ahead of us. I do not actually think that he is TG at all but he is certainly mentally & physically
unwell. Once we have cracked his drinking to some degree there is a psychiatrist waiting to assess him. I need support but the love that we feel for
each other is very strong and one day we will, I'm sure be man & wife.
Please post this up on the SO forum. I really appreciate what you are doing for SOs-many thanks.
Regards,
Suex
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