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SARAH
Received June 1, 2001
hi
well where do you start???
i havent had it easy over the years. first child at the ripe old age of 16 next at 26, whilst being married to the alcoholic until i was 27. i was free at last, first time in my life. met a new man, he was a con artist and took me on another wild ride. life is wonderful isnt it.
i met my partner in april 99. he was wonderful, kind, considerate, great to my kids, loving.
really just everything i had every wanted in life, im finally happy. the first 9 months he was basically at my house. we then moved in together..... need i say more.
how did i find out? there was a few sites bookmarked on his computer, they had tg reference, what the hell is tg?????
i found out very quickly what tg was then! i thought and thought about how to broach the subject. nothing seemed new all of it was prior to me. did some searching on the net, did some soul searching and finally decided that this was all pretty exciting! how do you broach the subject????
i went on a hunt in about may 2000 looking for the evidence, i found it.
i was even more excited about the possibilities. still couldnt say anything, dropped hints, we enjoy what i would call light bondage sex. kept asking if there was more i could do, more he wanted to do any fantasies i could fufil. nothing, no, nada......
on top of all of this i knew that he had not had a partner in a very long time and had enjoyed some internet girlflings. i hated that i think of it as cheating if he did it to
me. one day i accidently (and i mean accidently) found some of those past letters. i was so angry he was on night shift.
i sent him an email (seeing that was how he talked with them!) with all of the accusations about other woman, blurting out that i knew about the other side of him and that nothing was to be pushed under the carpet and it was time for some very serious discussions. rang him said goodnight and check his email before waking me in the morning.
i cried all night. woke up to promises that there was no one and never will be whilst we are together it was his past.
and thats when i met lana.
it was so exciting, i was coming home from work during the day to have sex with lana, lana was ringing me and telling me she wanted me during the day, we were relaying fantasies and then having wild lesbian sex with all atachments (had been a fantasy of mine for a long time), i was buying presents for her all the time. i still got my man as much as i wanted but i had the new exciting side as well. lana is not passable but i love her and her look all the same
and then my partner had to go away for work.
he came back and we all went back into the closet again and i wasnt allowed to play anymore. said that he didnt know if he wanted to do it anymore, but still was looking on the same old email story sites but with a leaning towards gay rather than wholly tg. i can tell when we have been in the closet, he has a manner later. i know where and how everything is left always and i know when it has been touched. lana is not dead.
i started to worry, i started to panic. i dont want to lose this person ever, i love him/her with all my heart and soul.
he will not talk about it. i dont want to force the issue, i dont want to lose him/her, i dont want to be the one that drives him away. everything else is still wonderful, but now we are back to being a big secret.
i worry is he out looking for men???? he has a secret email (i walked in on him composing a letter one day) he didnt think i saw but i did. i think he is advertising on
tv personal sites, but i cant say for sure.
if this is part of his fantasy i can live with it as long as its not real and is left on the computer. but how do i know we dont talk about that fully. he has admitted recently to trying stuff on again but nothing else. and not with me.
what do i do???????????????
im really sorry that this is so long and probably very
boring! but once i got started i could not stop. in
actual fact i could keep going!
help help help!
sarah
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