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I met my husband Sam five years ago on a blind date. We have been married for 4 years. Mostly happy! Sam told me about his cross dressing while we were still dating. Shortly after we started to date he told me he had a seceret,but would not tell me. When things started to get really serious I told him I wanted to know the secret. So one Sunday night we were coming back from a weekend get away and he told me I could try and guess his secret. Deep down I felt that cross dressing would be his secret. Yet I guessed some other very outragous things.I guess I did not want to deal with the truth, because I did not understand it.

Finally when I did guess he said yes. The next morning after he went to work, I searched his room to find his things. I felt like I had to see it to believe it. When I did find his clothes I felt like the air was sucked right out of me and then I cried.

I did not know anything about cross dressing. I was brought up to believe that men who did this were "sick" and "weird". I did not believe these thing about the man I loved and wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

So we went to the library and checked out some books for me to read. They were very helpful!! We also spent many hours talking about it. I told him I would rather have him be open about it with me rather then hiding it.

The first time I saw him dressed up was after we were married. It was a little hard to handle. When I was little I dreamt about spending the rest of my life with a wonderful man. Not a wonderful man who wants to share your clothes.

In the beginning, until I was used to it Sam would dress up when I was gone and then more when I was home. He never dressed up a lot until lately. On Friday he announced to me that he wanted to dress up more and more. He wanted to get bigger and better foam breasts and he wanted to go out in public with me dressed up. He did mention going to towns a few hours away.This scared me to death. Not just for myself but for him also. We live in a very small redneck kind of town. It would not be good if anyone found out.

We have the chance to adopt a little boy who they suspect might be a little gender confused. So Sam feels until we decide to adopt
or not he needs to dress up all of the time to "get it out of his system." He said that he would not dress up in front of the little boy because he would not want to influence him. I don't think this is something Sam can get out of his system. I am worried thet if we adopt eventualy he will be miserable!!

This is not fair to him. Right now he is leaning more towards this adoption then I am. I also worry that if we do not adopt he will still want to dress up all of the time. I do not think I can handle this. When he dresses up I feel left out and alone. He acts differently. I feel like he is shutting me out. We have talked about this and i know he does not mean to.

Since he has been dressing up more I fell like I have a roommate instead of a husband. A selfish part of me really wants my husband back. I hope we can find some middle ground before it is too late. I have no one in my life I can talk to about this,for fear they will not understand. I don't want them to think less of my husband, because he is a wonderful man. So I hope someone can help me with this. I feel terrible for the way I am feeling.

My e-mail address is b_elk@hotmail.com

Thanks a bunch
Betsy

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