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D.A.
Received June 21, 1999 --
UPDATE June 7, 2000
UPDATE March 14, 2001
So I was wandering around the 'net, and I found your site for SO's of TG folk.
I thought I'd drop you a note and let you know that I'm a genetic female (with some of my own TG leanings myself) involved with a lovely no-op transsexual woman. We met on IRC, in the #crossdress channel on EFnet, and started a long-distance relationship very soon after. After five months of me commuting 280 miles to the SF Bay Area to see her, she found a job down here in Southern CA, and moved in with me. We are VERY happy together, and because she's no-op and has a passport with a little "M" on it, we'll be getting legally married probably sometime next year.
Anyway, I'm probably a little unusual in that I was -looking- for a lovely TS woman, and so I knew about my partner before we even met. When we did meet in person, she had
already transitioned, so I've never met the rumored-to-be-yucky guy she used to be. In fact, I just about LITERALLY passed out when I saw her "before" pictures. In fact, it was at least a
couple of months before I could look at them without getting distinctly dizzy.
We've been together about 7 or 8 months total now, and things are going groovy. Anyway, if you have any SO's that want someone to talk to, I'd be happy to talk to them.
I know that when I started on this journey I felt really alone, because I didn't know ANYBODY who was dating a transsexual. There's obviously issues (and paradoxes, like discussing birth control within the context of a lesbian relationship) that don't pop up when one is dating a non-TS person, and it can feel really disconcerting when there's nobody else to talk to...
So, if anybody wants to talk to me, I'm willing.
Shalom,
Deborah
http://www.granola.com/deborah.htm
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UPDATE: June 7, 2000:
Anyway, Tammy and I are still together -- it's now been a year and a half, and things are going well.
The only down-side is my family; they are completely NOT accepting of the situation, and as a result I haven't been allowed to see my nephews and niece in almost a year, despite their visits to my parents, who live reasonably close by.
Truth to tell, it's not that much of a surprise, given that I never got along with them beforehand.
I'm coming to realize that the people who really loved me still love me, and those that don't aren't an important part of my life anymore.
For what it's worth, I've given myself a lot more permission to explore my own TG feelings since I've been with my partner.
Although I'm not sure I'll get to the point where I'll transition, I definitely dress a lot more male, and express a lot more of my "masculine side" which has been hidden away since I was a kid. These days, hardly anyone calls be by my given name, except for old friends who I haven't been able to re-train. Most everyone, including those at work, call me either "D. A." or "Alex."
So, that's what's going on with me. Again, if anybody wishes to write to me, they are more than welcome to drop me a note at
dtaylor@impulse.net
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UPDATE March 13, 2001
Tammy and I are still together; we've now been a couple for almost 2.5 years, though we were separated for about 7 weeks last summer. Unfortunately, Tammy had a
"friend" who was more interested in creating trouble than anything else, and she managed to get us squabbling enough to separate for a few weeks.
We've been back together since early September 2000, and things are going well for us.
As I've mentioned before, we are still having problems with my parents' reaction to our relationship.
Sadly, they were elated when it looked like we might be going our separate ways. They were extremely disappointed when we resolved our differences. The good news is that it gave me some really valuable perspective on my relationship with my family. I've learned that their opinions are important, but that they don't rule the universe.
In short, my reaction to them is "too bad, so sad." I love them all, but I'm not going to live my life by their rules just because they want me to.
Tammy and I still haven't put together wedding plans. We'd originally planned to get married this summer, but several things have put that on postponement. Unfortunately,
we were both downsized from our jobs in December, so that put a bit of a squeeze on finances. Since this would be Tammy's first wedding, we want to make it a little bit more special, and she's got lots of
relatives who will want to attend. Also, our separation over the summer has left me with the feeling that we need a little more time to make sure that we are going to be able to work things out. I was
very certain about the relationship prior to the separation. It was a surprise to me; therefore, I just need more time to make sure that we really are as solid as I think.
On a positive note, my grandfather and his girlfriend have been more than supportive, and are just fine with my own gender issues.
My grandfather is now calling me "Alex," and didn't get at all upset when I told him I was probably going to change my name. I haven't done so yet, since I'm in the middle of starting a new business, and don't want to risk confusing new prospects and clients. I'll probably do it later once we have a few clients (we are doing custom programming) lined up. For now, all our business contacts call me "D. A."
Regards,
- DAT
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