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TygerMoon
Received December 31, 1998
Greetings,
I guess I ought to start by introducing myself.
My online name is TygerMoon Foxx and I'm 27 years old.
I'm currently in a committed relationship with a 22 year old physical male who believes himself to be transgendered. IŽll refer to her as Jade.
I met her online in a roleplaying environment after being introduced by a roommate who was staying with my then-husband and I. Over the course of a year, Jade and I got
acquainted and developed a friendship. She helped me through some personal problems, encouraged me to develop my talents in art and writing, and provided a much needed shoulder to cry on.
At some point we discussed the possibility of a relationship and she revealed to me that she was actually a male--had not had the hormones, could not dress because she was living
with her family and her father was already abusive, but the thoughts were there. Over the next months she carefully and kindly answered my questions, pointing me to resources and adding information from her
personal experiences.
In January of that year my marriage fell apart when my now-ex revealed himself to be gay. I attempted suicide, thinking it to be some failure on my part (he had yelled at me
that he wouldn't _be_ gay if I was more attractive and I was too naive to know differently). Jade stayed online for two days until she heard from me and that I was out of the hospital.
We reopened the discussion of having a relationship, which resulted in me sending her a bus ticket and an invitation to come live with me.
I was living with my mother at the time and I carefully explained to her what I would be dealing with --- that Jade was transgendered, what that entailed, about Jade's abusive
family, and that we thought we had a chance of building a decent relationship. My mother agreed to let her come and I sent the go-ahead.
Jade arrived at the end of April. While she was sleeping off the travel lag, my mother invited me over to my grandmother's for dinner.
She then told me she had changed her mind and asked me when Jade could move in across town with my sister. I was stunned; I dropped my silverware and muttered, "Um, never?" A lot of things got discussed that night and tempers got hot. My grandmother wanted to know why I wanted to live with a woman (she didn't know that Jade was physically male yet) and I stomped around the kitchen shouting with each stomp "Because I am gay...gay, gay, gay, gay GAY" (funny in retrospect but probably not the best way to handle it.)
Given the choice of living with my mother or living with Jade, I had our things packed within an hour and we moved in with friends living in the next town. Both were gay; the
older gentleman was determined to convince Jade that she was in fact gay rather than transgendered while the younger man launched into a femininity campaign and did his best to teach Jade some of the basics such as
hygeine, make up, and clothing. Both men had had a previous bad experience with a transgendered individual, one who had gone through the surgery and freely admitted it was the wrong decision to have made.
The end result was even though the men were trying to help us, Jade was subjected to a constant assault on her convictions and beliefs.
A month later we moved into our own apartment and there followed some of the happiest times in our relationship. We bought makeup and clothing; we worked on her voice and her
body language to make her appear more feminine. Eventually Jade stopped dressing male altogether and we went out with her dressed. No one ever said a word to her (and this was a small town); she was
always greeted politely as "miss" or "ma'am". On Labor Day I took her back home as Jade and this time my family was much more accepting of us. Grandma never refered to her by her male
name again after that visit.
In August, her family phoned us regarding her cousin's wedding. We didn't have the money to send her and they wanted to give her a plane ticket "as a gift" and
offered a high paying job with an internet service provider as incentive.
There were problems with the offer --- she would have to go out there as her male self, accept the job male, and live as a male until we could get a place of our own.
The plane ticket was one way and did not include bringing me with her. Because of the money involved we decided to accept their offer and made arrangements for me to drive out to New Hampshire with our possessions one month later.
Her family, attributing her depression and behavior to association with me rather than the gender issues she'd been dealing with, made it difficult for us to speak at any length in
private. I was enroute and had reached Albany before the word came that I would not be allowed to stay with her. I didn't have the money to do anything but continue onward.
My reception upon arrival in New England was anything but warm. A council of war had been summoned, composed of all her family members including teenage cousins and their
girlfriends.
I was told in no uncertain terms that he didn't love me and that I was to go away because he didn't want to be with me ---while her eyes filled with tears and she twisted the class ring I'd given her as a promise of commitment and we held hands under the table. For the second time in less than six months, an ultimatum was given--staying together meant ``Get Out!
We chose to stay together and ended up renting a crummy hotel room for the winter. She is unable to dress or do anything about her gender issues because we owe her family money
and we are afraid they will stop helping us if they find out.
For a while she attended counselling but she stopped going because she didn't feel she could trust the therapist. Apparently this therapist has treated other family members...and then talked about it afterwards.
I still treat her as female when we are in private, as per her request but the situation is frustrating for both of us.
We are at a loss on several issues. Jade and I want to legalize our relationship (it's a commitment thing) but we are afraid to have any kind of a marriage certificate drawn up because it is becoming more and more evident that she wants gender reassignment surgery and we don't know what will happen to our marriage when that happens. Jade is also jealous of my genitals and secondary physical characteristics. I am at a loss for how to console her; I can't practically minimize those things or keep them covered without damage to myself.
As for my partner, Jade is a 22 year old physical male. She says she can remember as a small child doing things like hiding her genitals and trying to appear female, wanting to do
the things little girls got to do. As she got older, this continued. She didn't dress much until she met me (it wasn't safe because of her abusive father) but counted among her favorite clothes a pair of jeans that
her mother had given her which were female (an accident, she tells me, but they fit). She's expressed frustration with herself, a feeling she describes as being in the wrong body. Frankly, it shocks us
both on the occasions when we look "down there" and we see something that seems essentially wrong for her somehow.
Recently she had an interview with a company in Boston. She wore a man's suit and it looked so wrong on her that I wanted to scream.
The drive to the interview was uncomfortable; I felt like I was sitting in the car with a stranger and I knew that she knew what I was thinking. Both of us felt trapped yet we knew that it was necessary; they were not going to employ Jade for the salary they were offering and they were definitely not going to employ a man who would, at the moment, have appeared to have been badly dressed in women's clothing (you can still tell, we're working on it).
This stranger scares me; I'm used to having to deal with Jade and now there is his male self.
I wonder which one is the _real_ person; are they both real, are they both the same? Or two separate people in the same body?
Jade in male mode is kind of rough and callous and displays several of the characteristics that I just don't care for in men; I'll admit it, I am afraid of him. And out of
respect for Jade, since I'm certain that to some extent they are both the same people, I can't voice those concerns without hurting her.
Anyway, I've blathered on long enough. Any suggestions and feedback are welcome.
TygerMoon Foxx
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