|
I have been married to my husband for almost a year and I've known from very early on in our relationship about his crossdressing. When he told me I was shocked, confused and
frightened. I never knew anything about crossdressing. I had never known of knowing anyone who crossdressed. My first thought was that he's gay. My next thought was that he just wants to use me to get him clothes.
My next thought took me to the library.
I needed to learn more because I was so naive. I spent a whole afternoon reading what little there was on the topic. The things that stood out most to me were that most
crossdressers are heterosexual males (yay! He's not gay!) and that when their significant others "allow" them to crossdress during sex, they don't enjoy it but they know what it means to their loved one so
they do it to make them happy. That's me most of the time. Usually, I don't like him to crossdress. It makes me feel less feminine. It makes me ashamed of him. It makes me hate that he grew up with his mother and
sister.
There are times when I relish in making him happy by preparing an impromptu dress-up session. I feel like I'm doing the right thing by not quashing his spirit and making him feal
like a freak. It's nice to know what turns on your partner...but it's hard to deal with when it turns you off.
I love him and I want him to be happy and I don't want him to feel like he has to hide this
from me because of the way that I feel about it. I'm so happy that our relationship is strong enough that he wanted to share this with me but I wish I was more comfortable with it. It's not something I'm able to
talk to anyone about (except him) and I think it would make me feel less alone if I knew someone else in the same boat.
Sometimes I'm glad that he told me about it so early but other times I wish I never knew about it. Now is one of those times. I feel like I'm competing with another woman...or even
ALL women because he looks at them for things he wants for himself. I don't like the fact that he gets turned on by himself. I don't like the fact that there's a huge box in the bedroom full of his
"accessories" or that he's got 10 or more bookmarks of Internet sites on the subject (nails, high heels, corsets, wigs, etc.) Sometimes I think if I just had a model's body, he wouldn't need to do it
because I would be all he needed.
Thanks for listening.
S.
I welcome any feedback from other women to: cactus @ican.ca [Dana's Note: As of July 8 1999, this link was broken. ``S", if you read this, please give me your new address!]
|
