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Hi, I am Rita. My boyfriend of three years loves to wear dresses..the whole bit! He is the first cross dresser I have ever known of knowing.
To begin with, RA answered a personals ad I had placed through a Portland OR service. I received over 70 responses and met with a few. RA has a great voice, and he said I sounded
like a girl that liked roller coasters. This was off the wall as I never suggested such a thing in the ad..and I DO LOVE roller coasters. I had said I was unconventional, which drew RA's eye.
We spoke on the phone and RA asked if I would be interested in helping him shop for a wardrobe...he said there was going to be a charity event where men dressed as the beauty
contestants. This sounded like fun to me! I was amused that he would consider going out in public made up! When I was "positive" to that, he admitted there was no charity event, he was testing the
waters...this was a lifestyle. RA dresses most days, though he ventures out rarely. He is a Halloween "regular".
The first time I saw him dressed I admit I felt shocked! As I got to know him, it was no big deal and very much a part of what makes him him.
RA does not like the "Femme" he is happy being referred to as "he" and likes being "a boy in a dress!"
I have gone out with him while he's dressed. There is a fear of being harmed and I get a bit defensive that people will snicker or laugh... this is something that is an obsession, it
is a compulsion, it is not meant to hurt or cause shame for another...it is a personal private situation. I would like to be able to go out with RA no matter how he is dressed and have people look at the inside.
RA loves his children. He is good to my son. He is warm, funny, original! The kids are all aware of their dad's clothes! He dresses in front of them and it is not made into an issue.
(The kid's mother despises the clothes, and has tried to eliminate visitations etc.)
The initial "deception" was because this life style can cause pain and rejection and no one likes to be rejected!!!
Currently RA lives in La Grande, Oregon while I live in Castle Rock, Washington. We are @ 300 miles apart. Our phone bills are up there!!!
I welcome any mail at: ritakay@hotmail.com
It is just clothes for heavens sake!!! Lighten up and get on with living!
How would I have liked to have been told? I am pretty fine with the way things came out. He was honest over all--he sent me pictures to "prep" me. RA was very considerate
and concerned about my "comfort levels".
Thanks for the Soap box!
UPDATE July 10, 1999
Hi Dana... to update my story... RA and I are no longer together. He met and married another woman. They has a daughter Sept 98.
I am still supportive of the friends I made at Shangri-La, now NaturesPaths. Go to http://www.naturespaths.org
Ladies, the issue gets down to the simpleness of the "Ann Landers question"... "Will my life be better with or without him/her?"
Whether you were told at the outset of the relationship or if you have recently discovered your partners "secret", you need to understand this is not a lifestyle
"choice", it is a compulsion. This was not something done to cause harm or embarrassment to you or your family.
Things NOT to do:
- Do not blame your partner for your reaction.
- Do not drive a wedge between your partner and the children if there are any.
- Do not assume your children will want to have gender reassignment, or want to cross dress.
Understand that this is the way it is and any attempts to harass, cry, shame or pray for your partners "cure" or "change" will only lead to further hurts for both
of you.
If you weren't told... time out for compassion... no one likes rejection and the past needs to be left in the past! I mean deal with the present moment--now you know, what are
you going to do? Can you stay and be a full partner?
Do not stay for the sake of children, or society, or for any other reason except that you love this person and cherish this person and accept this person as your life partner.
You think things are rough for you? You think you are afraid of what people will think... or say... This is what all the secrets and shame are about. It is likely your partner
has felt the same fears...
Share your feelings WITHOUT placing blame! Come to some sort of understanding.
I do believe love can survive anything... The first thing to do is face your own fears. Talk openly with your partner. Go back to the things that drew you together in the first
place.
Enjoy every day with it's new beginnings...
Rita
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