Dana's Compulsory ``Me" Page

I live in a smallish town not far from of Reno, Nevada.  I'm pretty secretive about this particular extra-curricular activity. But about once a month, I drive into Reno for a Night Out. Those visits usually start at The Hidden Woman, a wonderful transformation shop. There are usually a few other local TG folks there, and we have a great time talking and trying on wigs and clothes. Usually, we'll go out and hit a friendly bar or two afterwards.  The best nights are the ones where the Silver Dollar Court is having a fundraising drag show!  Those are a blast, and I've been up on that stage a few times myself.

Outside of my wife Kiki and a few therapists, there are only four people who know both of me, and all of these since June 1997, when I told my Mom about Dana. (Update: Mom met Dana for the first time in April 1999, and it was wonderful!  It felt like mother and daughter having a really nice evening conversation. I'll never forget it...) (and a second, sad update--Mom passed away this summer, and I've got enough sadness for two people...)

Kiki and I together took a few hours off from the SPICE Conference in July 97 and drove to see an old friend. And I let our two oldest and best friends in on the secret just a few days before writing this, at the beginning of August 97. Each of these "comings out" was extremely scary to do; but in each case I was accepted warmly and with love and support. (Pretty swell, huh?)

You're dying to see some pictures, aren't you? Well, there just got to be too many of them to put on this page!  I'll show you just a couple (taken at Coronation 2000); if you'd like to see some more, click here. (This might take a while to load. Don't say I didn't warn you!)

...and more pictures!
Photos from the 1999 and 2000 Ducal Balls and Coronations, both in Reno, are Here.

What do you like to wear?

Shoes and boots with heels; clothes that shine. After all, I don't get to dress up very often, so I do tend to push the envelope a bit.

Post-convention UPDATE: At the convention in 1997, I discovered I enjoy wearing just about anything that looks good and makes me feel proud and confident about who I am. A conservative white jacket and skirt felt absolutely wonderful!

Comments on the TG life?

I really enjoy the 1% of the time I get to "be" Dana. A creative part of me comes out that just can't express itself any other way. It took many years of frustration and pain before admitting to myself some years ago that this was not going to go away, and I've been a much happier person since.

Has this put pressure on my marriage? Very much so. I have inflicted great pain on my wife because of this, and she has done her best to understand and tolerate it. She has never seen Dana, and she may never see her. But she loves me, and we're together in our second decade, and I appreciate her more than ever.  Update! On March 7, 1999, my wife offered to look at photos of Dana for the first time. It was great!
BIG UPDATE!! On June 2, 2001, at Reno's Coronation 2001, Kiki ``met" Dana in person for the first time.  It was wonderful! But I'll write more about that later.

That appreciation is why I've started the SOForum part of this Web site. It has taken a while to start getting submissions, but this is just a beginning. Our loved ones often find it more difficult to communicate to others than even the most secretive TG's do.

There's a great page about How to Tell Your Wife, along with what to do afterwards. I won't take any credit for what's there, I just stole it. But it seems to follow very closely what my wife and I have done, and that seems to be working pretty well. To read it, click here.

Any more deep thoughts?

A quote picked up in April 2005:

``We could learn a lot from crayons.  Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors.  But they all have to live in the same box."

Yes, I'll buy that.

As I meet more members of our transgendered subculture, I'm impressed by its diversity. The mainstream population lumps us all together (TV's As Seen on TV!!), but we do our own internal stereotyping, too. The labels CD,TV, TS, drag queen (and probably others I don't know) carry their own stereotypes which make it more difficult to understand and support each other.

I know that I did not get to where I am by the same route as many of my other CD friends, and I may not be going the same place, either. I find similarities and differences between me and TS's I know, too. And the sum of all this is knowing a group of fascinating, intelligent, and very different individuals. I'm proud to know them all.

December 1997 Update: I've been doing a lot of thinking about this diversity stuff, and especially about the labels we give ourselves. I put my thoughts in an article which was published in November 1997 in TGForum. It's now available on this Web site; just click here.

October 2002 Update: Nothing new to add. Except that I redid all the graphics on the site!  See if you can figure out what that gold swirl was before me and Photoshop got to it...

Want to Email me? I'd love to hear from you.
Enjoy Chat? You´ll often find me in the TG Forum Chat Rooms.
Interested in building a Web site of your own? Try my TGF Help Site.

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Looking for Links? I've moved them all, including those of my personal TG friends, TG and SO support pages, and anything I've found really unique or unusual, to their very own Links Page.